How to Raise a Terrorist
What would you tell your children to help them grow up to be terrorists?
Reverend Loveshade wrote "How to Raise a Terrorist" in 2001. In the early part of 2002, federal agents seized it and a lot of other things written by Reverend Loveshade and other people. One of the things they took was a poem I wrote about September 11 that was published in a school book when I was 13.
I guess they got the wrong idea. We weren't writing anything to promote terrorism, but to show how to stop it. My poem talked about fighting terrorism with love, but his essay was satirical, as if he wanted to teach people how to make their children terrorists. I guess you could call it a Jake. I guess the government doesn't have a sense of humor!
Anyway, here's part of what he wrote. You can add your own ideas on how to raise a terrorist. But here's a note to the Government. THIS IS SATIRE!
"If I truly believed that it was the right thing to do, that it was what sovereign God wanted me to do, and that if I did it I'd be rewarded in heaven with a huge mansion, 80,000 servants, and 72 beautiful, willing virgins all waiting there just for me, I'd crash a plane into a building too."
-- Reverend Loveshade in "How to Raise a Terrorist" (2001)
There are more comments on this topic at http://www.23ae.com/?showo=1&post=338#comments but heed this warning: we have no control over the contents of that site, and cannot be responsible for what you find there.
Comments
"For every million people you terrorize, Goddess will take away one inch from your butt and move it to your boobs."
-- Princess Unicornia
Posted by: Princess Unicornia | August 12, 2006 07:09 AM
"Any girl who becomes a terrorist could grow up to be Empress of Japan."
-- Fairy Princess Yoshikyoko
Posted by: Fairy Princess Yoshikyoko | August 12, 2006 07:14 AM
"If God didn't want you to grow up to be a terrorist, why would He have given you me as a parent?"
Southbound Train
Posted by: Southbound Train | August 12, 2006 05:59 PM
"What could be more fun than scaring people? If you're a terrorist, you get to do it all the time! What fun!"
-- Lorien Loveshade
Posted by: Lorien Loveshade | August 13, 2006 04:03 AM
"If you grow up to be a terrorist, you won't have to eat any of our vegetables."
Perlie the Pony Girl
Posted by: Perlie the Pony Girl | August 14, 2006 03:27 AM
"Do as your told and don't question anything."
NutriCen
Posted by: NutriCen | August 15, 2006 03:04 AM
"You must be quick to judge other people, and not yourself. If someone disagrees with what you're told by your family or your religious leaders, they are wrong--refuse to listen to them. Always keep a closed mind. If someone hurts you, you must hurt them back. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Vengence is mine, says the Lord, and you are a follower of the Lord, so vengence is yours. Always do your best for the Lord, even if it kills you."
-- Alden Loveshade (borrowing some from others)
Posted by: Alden Loveshade | August 16, 2006 07:11 AM
Fight Terrorism with Love? What are you supposed to do when someone's going to blow you and your family up? Give them a hug? This site has more crap than a public toilet at a prune juice convention.
Posted by: Gerbil Lover | August 18, 2006 06:38 AM
I saw a note bout this somewhere on the net. But I can't find the essay anywhere. When's it going to be posted?
Posted by: George Jones | January 14, 2007 11:51 AM
I think I saw that essay! But the FBI never arrested me or anything.
Posted by: Up With Yours | January 21, 2007 03:35 AM
Did you ever find the original?
Posted by: qvfiynd | December 16, 2009 05:01 AM