I use the genderless "e" for "he" or "she," "emself" for "himself" or "herself," and "es" for "his" or "her" in this report.
You may have heard the story of Jessica Beagley. The Alaskan mother of six was recently arrested for allegedly making her 7-year-old son drink hot sauce and taking a cold shower as punishment.
There's a lot of debate about it; a poll taken yesterday by the Today Show found that about a third of respondents thought the hot sauce was appropriate punishment, while many others did not. As someone who's worked with a great number of children, I have my own take on the matter. But right now I want to focus on a different and very critical issue that threatens both parents and children and is being ignored.
Beagley wanted help to be a good parent. The mother appeared on an episode of Dr. Phil in November 2010 and brought a recording made by es 10-year-old daughter that showed Beagley punishing es son. Beagley wanted help. The mother of six had tried using time out with the adopted son, but it didn't work.
According to the Today Show, using hot sauce as punishment is promoted in a book on parenting. That's Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline by Lisa Whelchel who starred in television's Growing Pains. It's published by one of the most influential sources in America for Christian parenting, James Dobson's Focus on the Family.
Regardless of how someone feels about the punishment, this incident demonstrates a major problem in American society and law. Someone who seeks assistance to become a better parent and is very open about es struggles gets arrested for it. This can certainly discourage parents from asking for help. Is that what we want? Will that help our children?
A similar problem exists in the sexual abuse of children. Someone who goes to a counselor because they want to avoid abusing children has to be reported. So if a person has such a problem, they can't go for help to prevent the abuse.
And even if someone thinks what Beagley did was abusive, does that mean they see their own very similar behavior as abuse?
An adult whom I know very well discussed this incident with es parents. They both agreed with the arrest of the mother. “Maybe she’ll get help,” they said.
But when their offspring was a child who strongly disliked and even gagged on certain foods, they forced em to eat them. If e didn't eat stewed tomatoes or spinach at dinner when it was hot, e ate it for breakfast cold or didn't eat at all. And when that child was a teenager and had a hard time getting up in the morning, as many teens do because of hormonal and other changes, that teen got hit in bed with cold water.
Yet those parents think what Beagley did was abusive.
We need more parenting education, not more punishment. The effect of these laws and policies is to put children in greater danger, not less.
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You can see what I consider a biased report on this at www.hulu.com/watch/211589/nbc-today-show-hot-sauce-reprimand-child-abuse-or-tough-love
The image in this report is from wandaphullworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/hot-sauce.png. No threat to any copyright it has is intended.
Alden Loveshade has worked with over 1,000 youth from preschoolers to high schoolers. Any opinion expressed by an individual member of The Loveshade Family does not necessarily reflect the views of the entire family.