Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary November 1 to 8 2005

Tuesday November 1 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today is Day of the Dead! I really wish I could have done
something for it too but most things were this weekend. And I
was too busy! But I learned something really kewl today! But Ill
tell u later.

I wish I planned the SAT test for earlier cuz then it would be
over! Its already time to start applying to colleges and they
want to know ur test scores! I dont know why I didnt take it
earlier. I wanted to take this course that helps u prepare for it
but its really expensive. And I took the PSAT anyway. And its
not like I want to go to Yale or something! lol

I really should have gone to Bennys college more. Hes
graduating soon which is weird cuz its the middle of the school
year! Really its not even the middle yet its the end of the first
quarter. I want a college that has a good English division and
Psychology too. I love English of course and I really liked
Psychology.

Ok I really want to tell u about peer counseling cuz its totally
kewl but I cant! Cuz what u talk about is totally private. Even if I
use pseudonyms some of my friends who read my diary might
recognize some of the ppl. That would be invasion of privacy
and violating the trust u build. So no way can I do that!

But I guess its ok if I tell u Ive been helping this girl whos really
shy. I cant tell u much about her but shes been afraid to talk to
ppl. But she said yesterday she talked to somebody at lunch!
She said she didnt say very much but at least she tried! So I
felt really good about that. I wish I could tell u more but I cant!
Not even Mindy knows who she is and Germana doesnt either.

Wednesday November 2 2005

Dear Mr Biggles

I said I wouldnt write so much about stupid stuff anymore so I
wont! lol Really not much happened today. I just thought about
the New Moon I didnt really have a ceremony and my period
started like it always does. Thats it! See I can write short! lol

Thursday November 3 2005

Dear Mr Biggles

This is really kewl! Guess what Mindy and Germana both told
me? They said the reason Kim is acting more mature is cuz Ive
been helping her! Isnt that kewl? Its weird cuz I decided to tell
them I helped a girl cuz they were going to read my diary
anyway of course. But I didnt tell them who. And they thought it
was Kim!

But really Kim is growing on her own Im just helping a little. I
really wish I could do more for her and Rodney. I wish I could
help Charlotte too. I dont think shes very happy right now.

Of course when I think about that I think about Mommy and
Daddy. Thanksgiving is coming and then Christmas. I spent
one Thanksgiving and Christmas with them separated I dont
want to do it again! I wish they would get back together. But its
like they wont do anything to work things out. They wont see a
counselor or anything they both think the other one needs one
but they dont.

How can I help Kim and the girl at school and not be able to
help my own parents?

Friday November 4 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I dont know why but today I was feeling depressed. Its like I
didnt even want to go to school! And really thats weird cuz I like
high school even though I like college better. Anyway I felt
better later.

I really should get involved at things at my college. They have
homecoming too! But I never go to anything just class. I go
Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and Wednesday nights
thats all I go.

I really have to check and see when I got my license so I know
when its been six months! I think it might be close. When its six
months then I can drive anybody!

later

Ok I checked. Guess when I can drive anybody? November 19!
I can take anybody anywhere! I can drive Mindy or Germana or
even Austra! And its even a Saturday. So on Saturday
November 19 look out! LMAO

Saturday November 5 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Guess what today is? Its Cinco de Novembre. Thats not a
holiday I just didnt want u to forget Im learning Spanish! lol

Ok Ill tell u about my dream. I dreamed about Melita and Janie!
If u dont know they were my friends in my sophomore year at a
different high school. But then we just split up I dont know why.
They werent really in my dream Ill have to explain it. In my
dream I was spending the night alone at Janies house! Isnt that
weird? Cuz I never spent the night there. But I was afraid of
being by myself so I had this really big flashlight I could hit ppl
over the head with! lol

But then I heard a noise and I was totally scared! So I got out of
bed in my sleepshirt and carried the flashlight with me. The
whole house was dark. But then I saw something move! And I
knew somebody was in the house with me! I was like OMG!

But then I saw it was Mati! Thats Melitas older brother hes like
20 or something. And I was like what is Mati doing in Janies
house? But then he saw me and this part is really weird. He
said “Hola chica” which means “Hello girl” in Spanish only chica
means a teenage girl. And I couldnt say anything! Then I
noticed he was staring right at my chest! And I was like I just
got out of bed am I wearing a bra? But of course I never wear a
bra to bed but I did have on a sleepshirt. So I dont even know
why I thought that!

And then he said “Why dont we go drive to Blueberry Hill I want
to look at the stars.” And I knew that meant he wanted to make
out with me! And I still couldnt say anything. I wanted to tell him
to go away or Id call the cops! Cuz I was all alone in the house
and he wasnt even supposed to be there! But its like my mouth
was dry and my tongue wouldnt work or something.

But then this part was totally weird. He grabbed me and held
me and his face was really close to mine. And then he started
rubbing his body against mine. It was like he really wanted to
do something with me and u know what! Then he said
something I dont know what and then I woke up. Isnt that weird?

I really think that dream means something but I dont know what!

Sunday November 6 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I really have to do more for ppl! I babysit Kim and Rodney and I
really think Im helping them. And Im doing peer counseling too
of course. But I used to volunteer at Mrs Cox house every
Saturday and I havent done that in a long time. We were going
to start helping at the recycling place but we arent doing that
either. Its like I am so busy! I have high school and college and
babysitting and my coven and everything. Im not even in any
clubs now cept the secret club and the ACLU. Really both of
those help ppl.

I wish I could vote on Tuesday. Why cant I vote? I know a lot
more about whats happening than Mommy and she can vote!
So why cant I? Really I dont know if shes even voting. I used to
think she always did it cuz she really believed in it. But now I
think it was just cuz Daddy believed in it.

But I can vote next year! Theres a big election so it will be my
first. But thats a year away! I cant wait!

Monday November 7 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have news u straight up wont believe! Two totally kewl things
happened today!

First Ill tell u my grades for first quarter. R u ready?

       Dance                         A
       Peer Counseling         A
       Speech                       A-
       English                        A

Can u believe it? All As and A-!

Now heres my college grades!

       American History          A
       Spanish                        A-

I could not believe it! I never got a report card like that! Mindy
gets straight As all the time but I dont! That is so kewl!

So u can guess I told Daddy! I told Mommy too of course I told
my whole family! But Daddy never let me spend the night with
anyone more than one night a week cuz he thought it would
hurt my grades. Well now I do it two or three times a week and I
got all As! And Im even living by myself! So nobody even knows
if I do my homework or not. Its totally my choice.

Ok heres the other news and this u wont believe either. I told u
Im in this secret club. Well I didnt tell u were writing a book! Its
totally kewl and even Mindys helping. Well guess what? Theres
this professional artist and he said he was looking for me! I
guess he really liked what I wrote! Isnt that kewl? I think he
might want to do pictures for our book and he wants to talk to
me!

But now Im like why? He said he was searching for me! Can u
believe it? Oh and hes older too but that doesnt matter. Hes an
artist not my boyfriend! LMAO He said he has a daughter whos
almost 18 so I guess shes about my age.

I really want to email him but its like what do I say?

Tuesday November 8 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Guess what? Germanas going to teach us bellydancing! Mindy
and I definitely want to learn and some of my other friends do
too. I just dont know when we can do it. Its like everybodys so
busy. Weekends wont wont and I cant Wednesday nights. And I
really should teach a Wicca class. I want Germana and Austra
and Wendi to all be initiates. Really theyre ready now but I want
to help train them more and Ella and Carol and Mindy too of
course. So I dont know when we can do it!

Oh and heres something that sucks. We wanted to have our
next esbat at Wendis house cuz she really wants to have it and
her Dad wants us to do it there too. Really hes her stepdad.
But anyway the next full moon is on a Wednesday and thats
when I have Spanish class! But sometimes u can have the
esbat on another day. Cuz sometimes the moon is fullest at
night on one day but really is totally full on another day. Cuz it
might really be fullest at noon or something when u cant see it.
So maybe we can change the day I hope so! Its hard to get
everybody coming together when the day keeps changing. But
we like following the real moon cycles and not just put it on the
nearest day of the calendar. Ella said the Jewish religion is that
way too.

later

I have some news for u!

First Im upset with Mommy. She didnt even vote! I dont even
think she registered after she moved back with Page and
Perry. Its weird too cuz they always vote and so did Daddy.
Mommy said she doesnt understand the issues and Im like
thats cuz she doesnt read anything! I hope they dont make a
law that teenage girls cant get an abortion without telling their
parents. U know that means a lot of girls r going to get one
anyway and that means it could be really dangerous! Cuz if u
cant get it at a clinic then ud have to get one on the street!
They used to do them with coat hangers can u believe it?

Oh and they did this study where it showed that if u just get ur
news from TV u straight up dont know whats going on! Its like a
lot of ppl still think they found weapons of mass destruction in
Iraq and of course they didnt. Oh cept u can get good news on
public television and another channel I cant remember which. U
cant trust TV news cuz its all controlled by big corporations.
Newspapers r better and sos the Internet. I dont even watch TV
news anymore cept when I see Daddy.

Anyway heres some good news! This weekend some of my
friends and me r all spending the night together and were
going to study Wicca and learn bellydancing! Isnt that kewl? Im
not sure which day yet and I dont know where cuz a lot of us
want to come. Its will be a Wicca bellydancing sleepover! lol

I dont know how many girls will be there but heres who we have
so far. Germana and me of course cuz were teaching. Mindy
definitely wants to come, and so does Ella, Wendi and Austra!
So thats kewl cuz that means well have everybody whos ready
to be an initiate! Kayla doesnt think she can but we can teach
her another time. Carol cant but shes not really sure she wants
to learn bellydancing. But well have other Wicca sessions this
is just one. So Im totally excited about that!

Then guess what else? I finally emailed the artist! Hes the one
who was looking for me but not by my real name. He was
searching for the name I use in the secret club and of course
parts of it are on our website. Were writing a book and he might
do illustrations! Oh and guess what? He writes too! Hes
translating this book thats about the Phantom of the Opera. Its
like over 100 years old and its in French. I wish I spoke French!
Im learning Spanish cuz Im part Mexican. Oh and he did this
comic book too! He did another comic but I havent seen that
one yet. Really I didnt see all of the other one I just saw
samples cuz its on his website. Its awesome! I want to buy one
but I dont think its finished yet.

Ok I have to go to bed its totally late. Ive just been so excited I
cant sleep! lol