| NoVeMbEr 9 - 11 2005 |
| Wednesday November 9 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS Guess what? The law against teenage girls getting an abortion failed! Yay! It was a totally unfair law. Its like do they think that girls arent going to have sex cuz they have to tell their parents they need an abortion? Thats just stupid! If u dont want ur teens to have sex u have to teach them about sex so they know. And really theyre going to have sex no matter what u do! But if u teach them about being responsible then they can be responsible. I have more good news. We got a day for our Wiccan and belly dancing slumber party! Were doing it Thursday which is tomorrow. I didnt think that would work but everybodys got Friday off for Veterans Day. I think it would be kewl if everybody stayed here! My apartment is small its only one bedroom and a bathroom of course. It would be better with two bathrooms but if somebody has to they can always use the one in the antique store. My cribs in the store of course and we could use part of that! Cuz it will be closed Thursday night. I still dont know if we can change our full moon esbat I hope we can! Cuz if its next Wednesday I cant go cuz I got Spanish. But I cant wait til tomorrow! Thursday November 10 2005 Tonight we have our sleepover and then its a three day weekend. Yay! later I have to tell u about what happened tonight! Im writing this Friday but this is what happened Thursday. First I made a mistake and said something about our sleepover at babysitting and Kim said she wanted to come! Shes not Wiccan but she interested in bellydancing. I even told her its a little like hula and of course she was a hula dancer for Halloween. Then I was like shes not old enough. But then I thought Austras coming and shes only 10 too! So I dont know. But its weird. Its like Austra is one of my friends and of course Germanas sister and shes going to be an initiate in our coven. Shes totally mature. And Kim is acting more mature too but its different. Anyway I wrote that b4 so Im not writing it again! But I just said Austra would be there cuz she lives there of course. But still. It would be kewl to teach Kim bellydancing too. I wanted us to stay at my apartment but Germana said if we stayed at her place we could use the hot tub. Really her place is kewl but I thought at my crib wed be totally alone thered be nobody else there. Mindy said we could stay in the treehouse cuz there was only six of us. But its starting to get cold at night even with the heater. But thats ok we had a lot of fun at Germanas! First let me tell u who was there. Germana of course cuz she taught the bellydancing, then Austra, Mindy, Ella, Wendi, and me. I wanted us to start right away but some of them wanted to chill first so that was ok. We decided to do the Wicca part first cuz after sitting wed feel like dancing! If u dont know Mindy and Ella r both initiates and Germana, Austra, and Wendi r all really close. Of course Im a full Wiccan in my coven and a Priestess for my branch. Mindy can be a full Wiccan in January! It has to be at least a year and a day. Anyway I taught some of the basics of Wicca but I wont write all that here cuz u can read it on my website! I taught some more advanced stuff too. We even had a little ceremony and I let Mindy do most of it which was kewl. Its good practice and she did really good! So then we got to practice belly dancing! Germana said the best way to learn is to do it so thats what we did! We had to wear something that showed our bellies so most of us wore bikini tops or really short tops. That was almost a prob cuz Austra asked Wendi about her cuts. Wendi says she just does it as part of a ritual but I dont know. Anyway Germana wore one of her outfits she wore the blue one which looks really cool. Bellydancing is really good exercise its not just for ur belly muscles. It helps u with coordination and with fitness through ur whole body. When u bellydance u dance with every part of ur body. Its really a spiritual dance. Germana said theres different moves u can do and she showed us some of them. But she said after u do it a lot u dont have to think about the moves anymore u just do them. Really thats a lot like how Miss Matthewson teaches dance. But in dance class u have to be more exact than u do in bellydancing. Bellydancing is more spirit and soul. But u really feel it in ur tummy! My tummy doesnt usually undulate like that! lol Really I didnt do it very good but Germana said thats ok. Im just a beginner! Ella and Wendi both said they had problems doing it but really they did good! Mindy and I think Wendi was learning faster than anybody! Mindy didnt think she did very good but I think she was just nervous. And really Germana showed us some really advanced dancing its not like we were supposed to be able to do all of it! lol Germanas really good. Theres something else too about bellydancing but Im not going to tell u cuz its a surprise! Anyway then after we decided to use the hot tub cuz thats good to relax ur muscles. I thought we might skinnydip but Austra was nervous doing it with everybody there so we didnt. Germana was going to anyway cuz of course Austras her sister so u know shes seen her naked! lol But Germana just took her top off. I knew the other girls wanted to do that too but I didnt want to embarrass Austra. So then I just said “Austra would it bother u if we just took our tops off?” And then Mindy said “Boys can do it.” And then Austra said “ok” so thats what we all did. Austra wants to do anything boys can do! lol Really I believe in being topfree anyway. Why should guys be able to take their tops off and girls cant? Its just sexist. So then we started talking about things. Mindy sat on my left, then Wendi, Ella, Austra, and Germana. We talked about Wicca and bellydancing and school and politics and boys and everything! I felt a little funny talking about everything with Austra there cuz shes only 10. If u dont know Germana and I r 17 1/2, Mindy is 14 1/2, and Ella and Wendi r both 13. But Germana said Austra hears about everything. Germana even tells her about things she does with boys and Im talking sex! Really their family shares a lot they think its good to know eveything so ur prepared. I believe that too thats one of the Loveshade beliefs. But still! But Austra doesnt want to ever have sex she wants to stay a virgin. She said she wants to focus on her relationship with Jesus and Mary. If u dont know she goes to Catholic school but shes Wiccan too of course. She believes that the Virgin Mary is an aspect of Goddess and really I do too. And Jesus is an aspect of the God. A lot of Wiccans have a particular form of Goddess and God that they are more in tune with. For me its Artemis of course thats part of my Wiccan name. I really dont have an aspect of God Im more in tune with maybe I should. But u dont have to. Anyway then Wendi said Ella should tell her masterbation story! Ella said u mean when she caught her sister and her sisters friend? But Wendi said she meant about Ellas lesson! And I was like should we really be talking about this stuff with Austra there? But then I thought I first saw pornography when I was 6 years old cuz my cuzin showed me. And really it didnt bother me I just didnt know what it was. And Im 17 1/2 and Im still a virgin. So its not like its going to make u a hoochie or something! LMAO And really its better to learn about it from somebody wholl teach it to u right than to just see something about on the Internet or hear it from somebody who doesnt really know what theyre talking about or something. Of course the Internets where Ella learned her lesson! lol But that was a really good site it was educational. Anyway Austra said shes always masterbated! Germana said Austra even used to stick her hand inside the front of her diaper! lol Really I took care of myself since I was little even thought I didnt come. So anyway we told Austra the story and she thought it was funny! Then Wendi started talking about masterbating with somebody else and I was like OMG! Cuz I knew what she was thinking! And I was like talking about sex is ok but I am straight up not masterbating with a 10 year old! Mindy and I do sharies all the time of course and so do Ella and Wendi. They said it helps them write their sexy stories together. They write them with a guy but hes not with them when they do that! lol They write a story and then he edits it for them later. Anyway Id like to do sharies with all the girls as a group. Its a spirital experience its like a sisterhood. But Austra is too young! Ok theres something I really dont want to write about cuz Germana reads this of course. But I dont know. Maybe it would easier to say it if I wrote it! Ok this is for Germana but of course anybody who reads this can read it too! lol Thats why I use pseudonyms. Germana said when she thinks about nudity she thinks about sex. I think nudity is totally different than sex but thats ok. And of course masterbation is like sex. Really some ppl think its a kind of sex. I dont know maybe it is. It feels sexy! But anyway I know shes bi so its like who knows what she might want to do! Really I think shes straight she just likes to experiment. I do too but I dont know if Im ready for that! I really like Germana shes one of my best friends. So I dont know! Ok Im not writing anymore about that! But dont get excited cuz we didnt all masterbate together! lol But I miss being in a circle like we use to do at Cassie and Lindseys b4 their family moved. Cassie still has parties but theyre not the same. I miss the sharing. Then we talked about our families. Its weird cuz we all see our families differently. Mindy feels like her family is in her and shes in her family. Theyre all connected in a way that she said can never break. Her family is awesome I wish my family was like that. Germana said her family is important but u can stay connected even if ur far apart. She plans to travel a lot of course she already does that. But she wants to go to Europe some time with just her friends! Thats really cool but Im like am I ready to do that? But she didnt talk about any plans she just mentioned it. Austra said something that was really sweet. She said were all her family! Of course that meant it was huggie time! lol She said she feels like her real family is her family, and so r the ppl at her school, and so r Wiccans. She said everybody in the world is a part of her family even if she doesnt know them all yet. Wendi said she feels like she doesnt have a real family! That is totally sad. Her stepfather is controlling and she said her stepbrother really isnt even like a brother. And her mom is always thinking about Wendis stepfather instead of thinking about Wendi whos her own daughter. Poor Wendi! Really I think thats why she cuts herself. She only does it in patterns but I dont know if that makes a difference. She feels like shes living all by herself. Its weird cuz Im living all by myself but of course I really am so thats not the same thing. I really should spend more time with Wendi and Ella too. Ella feels like shes not even a part of her family! Her stepsister Susie is just 12 but she acts like shes the boss! Lilah is kewl of course shes 8. But Ella doesnt even know her really mom and dad! She doesnt see her real mom and shes not even sure who her real dad is. She said her Mamma and Poppy both act like they care about her but why didnt her real parents want her? But I told Ella that shes really loved. Cuz I know her family all loves her even Susie she just doesnt act like it. Shes a cheerleader this year and thinks shes all that. But I know she still loves Ella! Everybody loves Ella shes really sweet. I talked about my family but I dont want to write a lot about that cuz I write it all the time. Mommy and Daddy r separated and Daddys living with my cuzins. My stepbrother Benny and stepsister Brandy r married to each other and living in north California and Daddy wont speak to them which sucks. Matthew lives with Mommy and Page and Perry who r my grandparents on Mommys side, and with Aunt Ebee whos Mommys little sister and Uncle Frankie. The rest of my family is in Ohio and I never even see my Godparents. And I live by myself in the antique store of course. Its like my family is scattered everywhere! At least I get to eat with Mommy and Matthew and everybody whos close. But sometimes I feel like I really dont even have a family. I dont think Germana and Austra know how lucky they r cept maybe Austra knows. Im sorry Germana but u really r very lucky! Mindys lucky but she knows it. I guess Im lucky too. My family is all split up so thats bad. But I have my coven and my branch and the best friends in the world! Ok I know u probably think ur friends r the best but thats ok. Theyre the best for u and mine r the best for me! And I have great online friends too. Austra said maybe wed all want to sleep together without her cuz were older and we were like no Austra! This is a sleepover for all of us! Shes sweet. But its weird cuz she doesnt say things like that like shes a little girl. She just says them like “thats they way it is and Im ok with that.” She is soo mature! I know shes an old soul. I think shes even older than Mindy! We talked about that. If u dont know an old soul is somebody whos lived a lot of lifetimes. We think we know whos the oldest and whos the youngest. I wasnt going to tell Austra I think shes an old soul but she already knew! When somebody said they thought she was she just said “I know.” lol Its like she knew all the time she just didnt know if we knew! Germana doesnt think Austra is but Im sorry Germana shes ur little sister! lol So its going to seem different to Germana. Anyway this is what I think and most of us think so too. The oldest is Austra, then Mindy, then me, then Wendi or Germana we arent sure, and then Ella. Really I think Wendi is close to being as old as me and Germana is too. Mindy thinks Im older than her but I know Im not. It just seems that way cuz Im three years older than her. But Ella totally agrees shes the youngest. Anyway so we all slept in the guest room together it was fun. It was crowded but still fun! Really sometimes I think its more fun when its crowded! lol Friday November 11 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS Guess what? Im going to a timeshare on Thanksgiving weekend! Yay! But first Ill tell u what we did today. We saw a Veterans Day parade! I never go to parades but it was fun! Ella and Wendi couldnt go but Mindy and I went with Germana and Austra and their family. Most ppl just think of Veterans Day as a day off but its really important. I dont believe in wars but still. Monica says u can hate the war but still love the soldier. And really I think veterans r just ppl who arent fighting anymore anyway. Oh guess what I said? I told Vince and Monica that they have a really cool family! I think it meant a lot to them. Monica smiled and said “thank you I think we do too.” And Vince said “we try!” I wish my family did things together like they do. We never go anywhere. We dont even go on vacation! Ok I have to tell u about the timeshare. Uncle Oz has it of course. Ill be with my family for Thanksgiving but this starts on the Friday after. Really I dont know who Ill be with for Thanksgiving. Daddy and my cuzins want me to be with them and Mommy and everybody else want me to be with them. Anyway the ones who r going on the time share r Uncle Oz, Aunt Lizzie, Mommy, Matthew, and me and maybe somebody else. But thats a problem! Cuz theres only room for two and I got three best friends! Ok I have four but I mean who live close. And really Id like to take Ella and Wendi with me some time and Carol too. I really dont do much with Carol anymore which is weird cuz shes in high school with me now. But its like if ur a senior u never see the freshmen! Mindy and Germana and Becky will all read this and I really want to take all three of them. So how do I choose just two? Mindy and Germana both said it was ok if I took somebody else and I know Becky will say that too. But I dont want to leave anybody out! |
| Copyright 2005 by Lorien Loveshade |
| My DiArY! |
| Then all us girls used the hot tub together. |
| We talked about everything! |
| We got a day for our Wiccan and belly dancing slumber party! |
| Its a three day weekend! Yay! |
| I taught the basics of Wicca. |
| Germana taught us bellydancing! |
| Wendi said Ella should tell her masterbation story! |
| Wendi and Ella feel like they arent even a part of their families! |
| When Germana thinks about nudity she thinks about sex. But I think nudity is totally different than sex. |
| We all have different feelings about our families. |
| I have the best friends in the world! |
| Im going on a timeshare for Thanksgiving! But who do I take with me? |
| The law against teenage girls getting an abortion failed! |
| Then we started talking about sharies! |