| MaRcH 12 - 13 2006 |
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| Sunday March 12 2006 Dear Mr BiGgLeS I cant believe this is the last day Ill post my online diary. I havent done my blog for a few days but I will Monday. But I might post my diary one more day. I think my last day will be tomorrow which is my 18th birthday. I thought some ppl would come to breakfast naked but nobody did. But a lot of us were just wearing our nightshirts or underwear! We helped Shirley fix breakfast which was fun. It was funny cuz Alan asked “how did everybody sleep?” And Becky and Germana both said “sleep?” lol Later Becky took a bite of French toast and then she looked funny. So I said “whats wrong?” Then Becky put a couple fingers in her mouth and acted like she was pulling something out. Then she said “how did this hair get in my mouth?” LMAO I thought we would stay later but Alan and Shirley had to go somewhere and I dont think they wanted to leave us alone with Michael! Really hes cool. He just thinks teenage girls r sexy. But we r sexy! lol Germana drove Kayla back and Mindy and I rode with Becky. Its kewl that most of my best friends r close. Laura moved years ago but I still see her. Harmony said hed call me when he got home so I guess hes not back yet. I hope hes ok. We talked on the way back and I thought about my life. Today is the last day of my life b4 I become an adult. I became an adult by nature when I was 11 1/2 and had my first period. And I was feel like I was really an adult when I became a full Wiccan when I was 14 1/2. But Ill be an adult by law tomorrow. How will I change? Will I be any different than I am today? Will I feel any different? I dont know. I remember when I turned 13 I thought “now Im a teenager.” But I didnt really feel much different than I did when I was 12. Its like age is just a number. Numbers dont really mean anything. Its what u feel inside that counts. I have felt like an adult for more than three years. But sometimes I still feel like a little girl. I think I always will. Monday March 13 2006 Dear Mr. Biggles, Every year in my diary I write Happy Birthday to me and then say how old I am. I didn’t think I’d do it this time because its the last. I already know I’m 18. I wasn’t going to write my diary for today at all. But I will make this the last time. I may write it for myself but I won’t post it anymore. Instead I’m posting a blog where I’ll talk about religious freedom and a woman’s right to choose and social issues and freeing political prisoners. I want to be part of the solution and not just talk about myself. But today I will for one last time. Happy Birthday to Me! I’m finally 18. I went to school with Germana, Mexi, and Mindy just like I usually do. Mexi wished me happy birthday but of course Germana and Mindy already did. A lot of ppl said happy b-day but I dont want to list everyone! But I have to mention Laura cuz shes still one of my best friends even though shes been gone for four years. And I have to talk about Deno. Deno was very sweet and hanging on me like all day at school. I like Deno I really do. But I have to tell him that Im not looking for a boyfriend right now over and over again. I have to date somebody else. But who? I like Fernando and will date him if he asks me, but now Im not real sure about Oscar. And then theres Herbie. Hes a great friend and the best boyfriend Ive had. But now he acts like he doesnt care. Does he like me or not? But I dont want to spend the last day of my online diary talking about all that again. I have to decide what I want. If two ppl want the same thing then it can work. If they dont it wont. I really wanted to register to vote online today cuz I thought I could. But I cant. All I could do was ask for a form that theyll mail me and then Ill have to sign and mail it back. And I could have asked for that b4! But thats ok cuz the election isnt til June so that gives me enough time. Im already learning about the candidates and the issues. I dont want to wait til the day u vote like some ppl do. Really if u dont know what ur voting on, why do u vote? But Ill save my opinions for my blog. Im really glad I started a blog I wish I did it a long time ago. I think it will help me focus on important issues and not just stupid stuff. I think cuz I wrote my diary for so long for ppl to read that I focused on personal things that really werent all that important. Its like what u write about is what u think about. If I still write a diary it will be very short and for me. I might show it to friends if they really want to see it but I wont write it for an audience anymore. Thats what my blog is for. And I FINALLY want to publish my poems and other things Ive written. I already have things that will be in the book our secret club is writing. That is totally cool. But I want to write more. Im so glad Harmonys back from the hospital cuz I was really worried about him. He thinks Ive been nervous about writing cuz if I publish something I have to go thru Mommy and Im worried about her seeing what I write. He said sometimes he thinks that too and I guess hes right. But now that Im 18 I can sign my own contracts. I dont have to tell Mommy and Daddy anything. They can believe their little girl is still a little girl. But I became a woman long ago. Harmony thinks I can write and hes a professional so he should know. I hope hes right! I dont even know if I want to list all the presents I got or not. Its like is it really important that I do that on the last day? But I guess I should cuz it is the last day. I wont list everything but heres some of what I got. And some of what I was given is very special. I got money and gift cards of course. Kayla is going to give me a figurine to represent her but she hasnt gotten it yet. I think Daddy is going to give me something big but hes waiting for graduation. And some other ppl r getting me things. So I got a lot of promises! lol But thats ok. Im not in a hurry. I got a pretty lavendar blouse, some earrings that look like diamonds, a CD with some pictures and u can guess what kind, a computer program, and some really cool things. I got some cards and some email cards. I even got a card from Austra that said “To my aunt.” Its so sweet that she calls me Aunt Lorien it made me teary eyed. Women who r very special to me I sometimes call aunt even if they really arent, like Aunt Eva and Aunt Lizzie, and of course uncle with Uncle Oz. Sometimes I wish I had called Ms. Adelman aunt but I never did. Sometimes I want to call Miss Sasha my aunt cuz shes very special too, but she just seems like Miss Sasha. But now somebodys calling me aunt, and it touches my heart. And theres a couple other things I got that r really special. One is a book about palm reading that my new coven and my old coven got me. Of course that means its from Mindy, Germana, Austra, Ella, Carol, Wendi, Becky, Herbie, Miss Sasha, Aunt Eva and all the rest too. Its a big book and has beautiful pictures and tells u a lot. Goldina is helping me learn to read palms its something I really want to do. Mindy is really good reading Tarot cards but I have trouble with them. Goldina thinks its cuz it uses a lot of math, and of course astrology does too. But palm reading doesnt. The other special gift I got is something I used to think about wanting but havent thought about in a long time. Its from an old fantasy. I was just going to tell u about the gift but Ill tell u the fantasy so ull know why its special. Im standing inside a small cold gray stone tower and its snowing outside. Im wrapped in a white robe to keep me warm for Im all alone and my fire is growing low. When I pull my lace curtain open and peek through the small round window, all the moonlight shows me is white and cold. But then in the white I see something move. And when I look closer I see its a beautiful white unicorn. His mane and tail and his muscled body are all the color of snow, but his hooves and horn r white gold. I am so excited to see him that I run down the gray stone steps, then very slowly open the big wooden door. I slowly creep outside to see him without even thinking about what Im doing. But when I get closer I realize Ive lost my robe, and am wearing only what I had on underneath. I also realize I lost my white slippers when I ran down the steps, but my feet dont sink into the snow. My body is barely covered with nothing but a lacy, sheer, snow colored babydoll and semisheer panties to match. Even though its cold, I feel very warm inside. As I am a virgin, the unicorn accepts me, and takes me to his secret place in the woods. Its warm there and green with flowers of pink and purple and red and lavendar. The only things that are touched with the color of snow are the unicorn and me. I hug him in our secret place and stroke his strong muscular body and kiss him, and he snuggles me and rests his white head in my lap. Then I pet him and stroke his long golden horn. Its a fantasy I had when I was like 10 or 11. Ive always loved unicorns, and I saw a picture of the babydoll on a model who had long dark hair with bangs like mine in one of my sister Brandys catalogs. I used to pretend I had the body of a woman, and could wear a babydoll like that without looking like a little girl. Now I have a womans body, and I have a white babydoll to wear on it! Its totally special that someone remembered I wanted one and got it for me. He said if it didnt fit he could exchange it but it fits perfectly. Really he was worried I would be upset if he gave me something sexy but I told him I wouldnt be! He said hes not making a pass at me but is recognizing me as a woman. I wish I could tell u who he is but he wants me to keep it a secret. But I can tell u hes a unicorn! LMAO j/k I really have some very special friends and I love them soo much. I love my family too but sometimes its harder to love family. Theyre ur family no matter what they do if its good or bad. But ur friends r good to u or they arent ur friends! I thought about listing the ppl who mean the most to me and why they r so special to me. But Ive already written about my best friends on the website where I post my diary. And now that Im doing a blog under my real name and can tell all my IRL friends about it, I think Ill post the descriptions there so they can all read what I feel about them. If ur one of my online friends who reads my diary, Im very sorry that I cant tell u where my other site is where I post my blog. I wish I could tell u but I cant. In my diary I expose all my secrets and the secrets of my friends for everyone to see. But I can do that cuz I dont use anybodys real name. On my other site I tell ppl who my friends and family really are, but that means I cant post their secrets. If u post secrets under ur real name, ur parents or teachers or anybody can learn everything. So if uve been reading my diary, u dont know anybodys real name. But u know the truth. |
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| Copyright 2006 by Lorien Loveshade |
| My DiArY! |
| I FINALLY want to publish my poems and other things Ive written. |
| Some of what I was given is very special. |
| "How did this hair get in my mouth?" |
| I was an adult by nature when I was 11 1/2 and I felt like an adult when I was 14 1/2. But tomorrow Ill be a legal adult. |
| Happy Birthday to Me! Im finally 18. |
| My blog will help me focus on important issues. |
| I even got a card from Austra that said “To my aunt.” |
| The other special gift is from one of my fantasies. |
| If uve been reading my diary, u know my secrets. |
| I had the unicorn fantasy when I was like 10 or 11. |
| Friends r good to u or they arent ur friends. But family is there whether they do good or bad. |
| I cant believe this is the last day Ill post my online diary. But I might do one more day. |
| My old and new covens gave me a really nice book on reading palms. |
| Sorry but everything after my 18th birthday is now private! If ur my friend and want to see more, send me an email and tell me! My email addy is on my HOMEPAGE |