Saturday August 6 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
Today is the day I break up with Herbie. It feels so weird! I want to
be free but to be free I have to cut my bond with him. So its like to
get what I want I have to give up something I want!
I guess really thats the way it is. Anytime u want something u have to
give up something else to get it. Nothing is really free. Everything
costs something.
later
I just got back from seeing Herbie. I am free now but Im not sure I
want to be!
Becky picked me but shes driving me crazy. She wants to do
everything u can do at 21 cuz of course thats what her new ID says
she is. Oh and she says she wants us to call her Crystal in Texas cuz
thats her name on the ID. Im like Yvette already knows that Becky is
coming with us! And she knows Becky is in high school cuz Mindy
already told her that! So whats up with that?
Ok Ill talk about what I really want to talk about and thats Herbie. He
picked me up and he looked so sad! He looked like a brave little
soldier. Like he was going to war and trying to look brave but u knew
he wasnt. Poor Herbie!
We went out to dinner first and had a nice dinner. At first we didnt
even talk about breaking up we just talked about Wicca and school
and friends and my vacation. And then he started talking about it being
our two year anniversary and how he really wanted it to be special.
And then he really started looking sad. So I just said “it is special,
Herbie.” I didnt know what else to say. But it was. The restaurant
was Italian and it even had a candle on the table. I had spaghetti with
meatballs which was a total mistake cuz its hard eating spaghetti and
not getting it all over urself! I should have had lasagna. He had
something parmigian (how do u spell it).
Then we saw Dukes of Hazard. We even got a seat so he could sit on
the aisle on my left. Thats how it was on our first date as a couple
and we always like getting those seats if we can. Its a different row
every time but thats ok. The movie was funny and it had a lot of
action too. Herbie even did something he never does. He talked during
the movie! Really all he said was “can I hold ur hand” and of course I
said “of course.” But then I said “boo baby” and I dont know if I
should have said it cuz were breaking up. But he just held my hand
which was sweet.
Then after the movie I didnt know what to say. It was our last date
together! And we hadnt really even talked about breaking up! And
then I dont know why I said it but I said “do u want to park?” And he
said “sure.” So we parked on our hill. There were a couple other cars
there like there usually r but we parked so we werent really close to
anybody. Then we looked at the stars. But we didnt say anything.
Then I said “ur a great guy, Herbie.” And he said “ur great too,
Princess.” And I said “its really kewl that Ive dated u for two years.”
And he didnt say anything. It was like he couldnt say anything!
And then I said “Herbie I really like u I really do. Its not cuz of u cuz
ur a great boyfriend. I just want some time to myself.” But all he said
was “I know.”
Then I said “we might even be boyfriend and girlfriend again
someday.” And then he said “really?” And then I was like why didnt I
tell him that b4? But really I did just not that way.
Anyway we talked a little. But I kept thinking about his ring cuz of
course Ive been wearing it all the time. And then I thought it was time
to give it back to him. But it wouldnt come off! And I was like “come
off stupid ring!” cuz I wanted to do it with subtlety but I couldnt!
Then finally it came off and it hurt my finger a little! Cuz I never take
it off.
And I was going to give it to him then but I just couldnt. And then he
said something that made me choke up. He said “Lorien, can I kiss u
one last time?” And I almost couldnt stand it! I wanted to say “no boo
baby cuz Im not breaking up with u! I want to be ur Princess
forever!” I really felt like saying that! But I didnt. I tried to say “of
course” but it came out “course.” I couldnt even talk!
So we kissed and it was a very nice kiss and a long kiss. Herbie is a
great kisser! And I was thinking the whole time “why am I breaking
with Herbie?” It was like am I stupid? But I knew I wanted a chance
to be free for awhile. I have to learn what I really want and how can I
know? Since Ive been 13 1/2 Ive had a boyfriend for three years!
First was Jules for a year and then I had a break where I was totally
confused. And then two years with Herbie. Im not even 18 and Ive
only had two boyfriends! So really I knew why I was breaking up.
And then this was really stupid. I wanted to say something really kewl
when I gave him his ring back. Something that was romantic and sad
and that we could remember. Something that meant I was very sorry
and really cared about him and even maybe loved him. But I just had
to be free to have a chance to spread my wings, to see the world, and
to discover what I really wanted in life. But all I said was “heres your
ring back.” It was so stupid! Why did I say that?
But then I said “I really treasure the time I wore ur ring, Herbie.”
Really that sounded stupid too but at least it was better than “heres
your ring back!” And I told him how important he was to me and
how I just needed time to myself to discover myself. I have to know
who I really am.
But he just looked so sad! He took the ring and I think he just put it in
his pocket he didnt even look at it. And then I said “can I give u one
more kiss? This is an extra” which was also stupid! But he just said “I
wish u would” and sounded so mournful I felt it in my heart. So we
kissed again but not as long.
Then I said “maybe its time to take me home” which really was stupid
cuz I was going to Beckys crib not mine. So anyway he took me
there. And then he said “have a good vacation, Lorien.” And I said
“thank u. You too.” And then I gave him a quick goodbye kiss and
hug and went inside.
And then I felt like I was going to fall over! I felt totally weird! And
then I cant believe I said this. But Becky said “so how was it?” And I
just said “Becky I need a drink.” And then Im like what did I say that
for? Cuz of course I almost never drink. I think its just cuz I was
thinking she has the ID and can buy it now and thats what ppl say
when theyre stressed or something. Anyway it was stupid and I didnt
really drink anything just diet Coke. I didnt even want to use the
jacuzzi but of course Im on my period. Becky thought I should be
happy cuz I got what I wanted. But I dont know. Did I really get
what I wanted? If I really got what I wanted then why do I feel so
confused?
Sunday August 7 2005
Dear Mr Biggles
Linda came over so that was kewl. I told her I was sorry I wouldnt
be here for her birthday but she said that was ok. Gracies b-day is the
same day so I told her too and gave a Bratz doll with two different
outfits. I saw Daddy and nothings changed. Hes still not coming back
unless Mommy changes and Mommy doesnt want him back unless he
changes. Its just stupid and I dont even want to talk about it anymore.
I saw Cassie but not for very long. She said shell have a party as soon
as they fix up their apartment. I told her were having a b-day party for
Ella when I get back but she doesnt really know Ella.
I just felt weird today. Im sad about breaking up with Herbie even
though its what I wanted. But Im totally excited about vacation! I
really want to be free. But then Im nervous about that too! If Im free
what will I do?
I wish we could drive but we already got our tickets. And Becky is
the only one who could drive us and she cant drive to Texas all by
herself! And Kay doesnt want her driving anyway I mean not that far.
I wish I wasnt going on vacation on my period! Really I dont know
why I care so much I guess it doesnt make much difference.
later
Ok heres my plans. Kay and Becky r coming here and picking up
Mindy and me. Im at Mindys washing clothes again! Its really stupid
cuz I wore something I want to wear on vacation!
And this is weird too. Mommy has been fine with me going on
vacation all this time. And now she says she doesnt want me to go?
Whats up with that? I am so glad to get out of here!
Oh and heres some bad news. Harmonys Dad is still in the hospital!
They thought he had a heart attack but he didnt. Harmony said they
might just do some test and then send him home tomorrow and just
give him new medicine so thats good. I know Harmony was really
worried even though he didnt sound like he was. But hes really excited
about seeing Mindy and me! Oh and of course Becky hes never met
her even though he knows her online.
And guess who else is excited? Ok Mindy just said Allen! lol I was
going to say Mindy silly girl! Oh she says I wasnt. Ok so Yvette and
Allen and Josh r all excited! I know Vickie is too but she never sounds
that way. She thinks it isnt cool or something. lol Oh and Mindy is
totally teasing me about Allen! Shes saying if Allen married me Id be
her cuzin! lol Silly girl. Allen is straight up not marrying me Im not
marrying anybody! I want to be free I dont want to get married! Of
course I might get married someday but not now!
Ok Mindy says I didnt finish telling u our plans. Kay and Becky r
coming here then taking us to the airport. We have to get there really
early cuz of all the security stuff. Then Mindy and Becky and I r
flying! Im nervous but I know Ill take my airsickness pills first. Our
plane stops once and then we take off again and then land! Yvettes
going to meet us but I dont know who else. I hope Allen does! Ok
really it doesnt matter cuz I know Ill see Allen anyway. lol
Then were staying for a week and then coming home. Its weird
though cuz were staying til Monday but Allen and Vickie and Josh will
be starting school that day! Im glad my school doesnt start then.
Ok I have to get off so I can finish getting ready!
Monday August 8 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I wish Mommy would just shut up! Im sorry but she says Im not
going anywhere! And Im like of course I am Im going on vacation
like I planned for a month? She gets crazy and Im just like whatever. I
had to get Page to talk to her.
Ok I have to finish getting ready for vacation!
later
Guess where Im at? Mindys Aunt Yvettes!
Ill tell u what happened today. First Kay and Becky picked up Mindy
and me and Becky drove to the airport! Ive got my license but I
wouldnt want to drive there cuz the traffic is crazy! Then we got to
the airport and had all this security stuff we had to do.
Oh and guess what I heard? This girl said theyre making these
machines that will take ur x ray only it sees right under ur clothes! So
its like looking at u naked! Its weird cuz Im a nudist but thats my
choice. But its not ur choice if some stranger is peeking at u under ur
clothes! Anyway I am not even going to talk about security anymore.
I know its good cuz of terrorists but I do not want to think about that!
Oh and I took my air sickness pill early cuz Mindy reminded me. Oh
and this was sad but Kay told Becky “u be safe and come back
healthy.” Of course u know what she was thinking about. We all miss
Leon.
Anyway on the flight I sat by the window, then Mindy sat in the
middle, then Becky sat by the aisle. Its sad though cuz when we fly
back we wont have our seats all together! We all got the cheapest
seats flying on vacation but Beckys was more spenny coming back so
she has a seat in a different part of the airplane. I think its close but I
dont remember. Anyway she said she doesnt care but we think we
can switch with somebody so we can all sit together.
Anyway guess what Becky told everybody her name was? Crystal! I
was like Becky u r not named Crystal and u r straight up not 21! Ur
name is Becky and ur 17. I hope shes not doing this all vacation! lol
She even asked one of the flight attendants what she could do to apply
for a job! Silly girl.
Anyway after we flew we had to wait in another airport then finally
we got there. Yvette and Allen and Josh met us and they were really
glad to see us! I was glad to see them too! I gave everybody a hug
and Allen gave me a big hug! I almost thought he was going to give
me a swat on the butt! lol Mindy and Becky gave everybody hugs too.
Of course theyre Mindys relatives but Becky just met them once
when they came out for Thanksgiving. But thats Becky! lol I think
Yvette gives everybody hugs too she cool. But Allen doesnt hug
everybody! But Ill tell u more later.
I think Josh really wished Raidon had come he kept asking about him.
Josh is the youngest so I think when Raidon was here its like he had a
youngest brother. I think if ur the youngest then u think about having
somebody younger.
Oh and Allen shaved off his mustache! Really he didnt have a very big
one anyway. But hes a hottie! LMAO
later
Mindy and Becky dont want me writing this all day long but Beckys
not here right now! lol
We almost had a real a problem with our luggage! Allen grabbed this
bag that he thought was Beckys cuz of how she described it but it
was somebody elses bag! They even saw him take it! But thank
goodness they werent mad. We saw their bag and it looked a lot like
Beckys and of course hed never seen it anyway. So they understood.
Oh and thank goodness Mindy remembered to call Harmony! We
were supposed to meet him but then Yvette wanted to drive a
different route or something. Really I think Mindy wanted to take a
tour of the city and I did too but Yvette just wanted to go. We got to
see parts of it but not a lot. Yvette said she wanted to avoid the traffic
rush. Becky said Yvette drives like she wants to go where she wants
to go and everybody else stay out of the way! lol Oh I should say
Crystal not Becky. She was telling everybody her name is Crystal silly
girl.
Anyway we finally got to this restaurant and poor Harmony was
waiting there forever! He doesnt have a cell phone so we couldnt talk
to him on the way. I didnt bring mine cuz I dont think it works in
Texas. Really I should have checked I dont know why I didnt.
Anyway Yvette gave Harmony a hug and then I did and gave him a
KOTL! lol I dont think he was expecting that! But I did that the last
time I saw him. Then Mindy gave him a hug I think. Oh she says she
gave him a KOTC. But then Becky gave him a hug and a KOTL! And
I was like Becky just met him! Of course shes known him online for
like four years but still. Becky is such a hoochie! LMAO j/k I know
Becky will read this Im just kidding!
But then guess what happened? Allen said “how come I didnt get a
kiss?” He really did! So I gave Allen a KOTL! lol Of course he tried to
French me last time I saw him really he did a little. I didnt let him do it
last time cuz I had a boyfriend. But now that Im free who knows?
LMAO
Then Mindy gave Allen a KOTL but of course shes his cuzin so
Yvette said theyre kissing cuzins! LMAO
But then guess what Becky did? She went to Allen and she gave him a
KOTL! She really did! And I was like Becky u only met him once! I
didnt say that all I said was “Becky!” I meant to say “thats Becky” but
all that came out was “Becky!” lol Oh I should call her Crystal.
Harmony called her Crystal right away but I kept calling her Becky.
Like how am I supposed to remember to call my best friend
something different? So I dont care what she says Im calling her
Becky in my diary. becky BeCkY BECKY! LMAO
Oh Harmony said his Dad is doing better. They thought they were
sending him to a different hospital for some tests but they arent. He
said his Dad might just be getting a different medicine and then they
can send him home so thats kewl.
So anyway we ate together and that was fun. We want to go to a
waterpark but theyre worried about the rain. I hope it doesnt rain
tomorrow! We only have a week and we have a lot to do! And Allen
and Vickie and Josh go back to school next Monday. Of course we
have to go back home then too.
Anyway we had to say goodbye to Harmony but well see him again!
Were going to see him Wednesday and then Thursday! Harmonys a
great friend hes my best online friend. Then we went to Allens house.
If u dont know Yvette, Allen, Vickie, and Josh all live in a trailer. Its
not very big but we can stay there and at Shirleys who lives next
door. Shirley has a daughter named Martie and shes sweet.
Ok Beckys here now so I know she wants me to get off computer!
later
I can finally finish this! lol Yvette drove us to Stus house so we got to
meet him. He doesnt have a big place either but its bigger than
Yvettes! I didnt know we were going to spend the night here the first
night but thats ok cuz really we had more room. We didnt see Randy
or Prudence those r his kids but well see them on the weekend when
we go to Six Flags. They live with Stus ex-wife and just see him on
weekends. Its cool though cuz he has a room thats decorated just for
them! Thats sweet that he would do that when they only see him on
weekends.
Stu wanted us to go out to eat again! I was like we just did that but
Yvette wanted to go so we did. Of course I was not very hungry! Its
weird too cuz my tummy still thinks its in California! lol If u dont
know its two hours later here. It didnt seem to bother Becky any but
Mindy and I have to get used to it.
Anyway Ill tell u where everybody slept like u care. Yvette and Stu
slept in Stus room of course, Allen and Josh slept in the living room
with Allen on a recliner chair and Josh on the couch, and Mindy and
Becky and I slept in the kids room. It was funny cuz they got two
beds so we were fighting over who would get the beds! lol But really
to be fair what we did was we pushed them together and made one
big bed! It was still a little crowded for three of us but thats ok. I
really wanted to take a shower or a bath after the trip but we didnt
have a chance. It got late so fast!
Copyright 2005 by Lorien Loveshade
|
LoRiEn
LoVeShAdE
Then we saw Dukes of
Hazzard
|
I have to know who I really
am.
|
Did I really get
what I wanted?
|
Today is the day I
break up with
Herbie!
|
Herbie looked
like a brave
little soldier
|
Ur a great boyfriend. I
just want some time
to myself.
|
Since Ive been 13
1/2 Ive only had two
boyfriends!
|
Harmonys Dad is
stil in the hospital!
|
We all miss Leon,
Beckys Daddy
|
Guess where Im
at? On vacation!
|
Beckys telling
everyone shes 21 and
her name is Crystal!
|
Harmony said his
Dad is doing
better!
|
Spending the
night at Yvettes
boyfriends crib.
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