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| OcToBeR 13 - 14 2005 |
| Thursday October 13 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS I have to make a decision about homecoming. Deno wants me to go with him but really I want to go with somebody else. Otherwise its like hes my boyfriend and I broke up with Herbie so I could be free! I cant go everywhere with Deno! But homecoming is special so I dont know who to ask. I have some ideas but Im not sure. Maybe Ill just go with friends. Its weird not spending the night with Mindy! I usually wash clothes with her on Thursdays and then we spend the night together but we did that Tuesday. Really I can wash clothes anytime cuz Page has a washer but I like doing it with Mindy. Kimberly is really excited about her ceremony. Were having it tomorrow. Oh and guess what she wants to be called now? Kim! I guess she thinks it makes her sound older. I talked to Goldina about making the Womanhood ceremony so its not Wiccan. But she said shes never done one! Anyway I got some ideas from Aunt Eva and Miss Sasha and Ice Falcon. I know they think it should just be women but Kimberly wants Mindy there! And she was at Carols anyway. Really I havent told Kimberly that Mindy hasnt had her period yet maybe I should. I think some of Kimberlys relatives r coming too which really makes me nervous! Its bad cuz Charlotte is mad at Gus. Its like he doesnt want to have anything to do with it! Of course he wouldnt be coming to the ceremony anyway. But still he should be supportive. Charlotte and Gus r having some real problems. They should get counseling! But I know they wouldnt listen to me they think Im just a babysitter. I almost wish Mommy would go but she wont. Shes got a date with Abbie anyway. I dont know how American feels about it Ill have to ask Mindy. If u dont know American is Mindys great uncle and he was dating Mommy. I havent told Daddy about it but I dont know if I should. Im glad Ill finally be able to do peer counseling! Training takes forever! But really I guess thats good. I should write about it more I dont know why I dont. I never write much about school. I guess thats cuz its boring! lol Really I like high school but I like college better. But even if u like it its still boring to write about! later I tried it again and it still didnt work! If u dont know Im talking about getting my dildo in! Its my new one which is smaller and I still cant do it. It hurts! But I dont want to be a virgin forever and I do not want to have some doctor cut me open! I know Germana really doesnt want to do it but she said shed help me and shes the only one who can. Germana I know ull read this I need help! Friday October 14 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS I feel really STUPID! I asked somebody to go to homecoming with me and he said no! Why did I ask a guy? I asked Isaac and I straight up dont know why. He doesnt even talk to me much anymore. We used to have lunch together but that was with a group and that was last year! But I used to think he liked me. Why didnt he want to go? He didnt even say he had another date so its not like he couldnt. Doesnt he want to go out with me? Doesnt anybody want to go out with me? Cuz nobodys asked me cept Deno! I know I said I could go with friends I wish I just did that. Why did I have to ask Isaac that was stupid! But I dont know. Is it stupid to ask somebody on a date? But its so weird. I used to have a lot of guys hanging with me and Mindy was the one who wanted a date. Now Mindy has a date and I dont! And Becky never wanted a boyfriend and now she has one and she can date other guys too! And Germana dates whoever she wants. She never has a problem getting dates. She even turned guys down! And so did Kayla! But they both got bigger boobs than me. But Mindy doesnt even have boobs and she got a date! And its with a senior! Ok so thats stupid. If guys only went out with girls with big boobs then Mindy wouldnt have a date and she does have a date. And she even went out with Deno. And Carla is really popular and shes thin and has really small breasts too. So whats wrong with me? Ok I cant be taking all day to write about myself I have to get ready for Kimberlys ceremony! later This is weird but I feel better! I dont know why I got upset. Germana said the reason guys arent asking me out is cuz I keep saying I want to be free! Duh! Mindy said that too. They said I havent even tried getting together with any guys Ive been avoiding them! Really I guess I have. Its like when I had a boyfriend it was safe so I could flirt with anybody. But now I dont have a boyfriend I have to be careful! Ok I wont talk about me Ill tell u about Kimberly! Ok I really should call her Kim cuz thats what she wants to be called now. I even called her that in the ceremony. But I called her Kimberly at first cuz that way I could show the change. She was really pretty. She wore a white dress and had a little bouquet of flowers. And she wore white stockings and white pumps. She looked like a little lady! Of course thats what she is now. First let me tell u who was there. Kim was of course, and Mindy. Oh I should tell u I told Kim that Mindy hadnt had her period yet but Kim said that was ok cuz shes older. And I said Mindy was going to help me. And Tiffanie hasnt has her period yet either. Anyway Charlotte was there of course, and Tiffanie and her mom Nixie. If u dont know Tiffanie is Kims friend and Nixie is Charlottes friend. I really didnt know how to do the ceremony cuz Ive only done it once and that was Wiccan. It was weird at first leading it with woman who were older than me. But after a little while I didnt even think about that much. But Kimberly had her own idea for it which was a real surprise! First we had each of the elements. Earth was this little girl figurine with big eyes that Kimberly had since she was really little. At first I thought that was sweet cuz she knows I like figurines. But it ended up weird! Really I dont know if it was weird or not cuz it was Kims ceremony. But it straight up wasnt what anybody expected! For water we had water in a wine glass which was a mistake, for fire we had a candle, and for air we opened a window to let a breeze in. I didnt know if I should have everybody meditate so I just had everyone stand in a circle with Kimberly in the middle. I said to focus on ur breathing and to think about ur place in the world. Then I talked about the changes of growing from a girl to a woman. I talked about how when u have ur menarche that ur an adult by nature even if u arent an adult by mans law. The menarche is a sign of the flow of life. Before then life flowed into u, but now life can flow out. It is preparing u to be a mother. Then I said even if someone never has children, it still means they can help mother others. It also means u have more responsibility than u did b4. Ur mind and feelings have to grow up too. Thats part of ur responsibility as a woman. Then I said that means u should be more responsible with other ppl which can be ur mother, ur friends, ur teachers, and then I said even ur babysitter! But I meant that as a joke but no one laughed! I try to joke more cuz Im always so serious. Im not all the time I mean at ceremonies. Kimberly looked a little funny but I found out why later. So then I said Kim could say what Womanhood meant to her. I told her about that b4 and she had practiced with me. She was going to say something about being more responsible. But she said that meant she didnt need a babysitter anymore! And then Charlotte said yes she did! And I was like this is supposed to be a ceremony where we all support each other and especially Kim. Its not supposed to be an argument! But then thank Goddess I thought of something to say! I just said “you’re right Kim.” And Charlotte looked at me like I was crazy! But then I said “you dont need a babysitter anymore and I wont be your babysitter anymore. Now Ill just be your sitter because you aren’t a baby.” And thank Goddess that made Kim happy and Charlotte too! I thought I was going to have a real problem! So then I felt really good. But then I realized I messed something else up! Cuz were all supposed to drink from the glass together. That represents the four elements working together in harmony which creates the fifth element of spirit. But its supposed to be a earthenware cup not glass! Cuz then u have earth, and water is in the glass or really it should be wine but we couldnt use wine, and then u move it over the fire and u all breath in so u have the elements. So then I said “we should have something to drink out of thats made out of earth like something made out of clay.” Why didnt I think of that b4 that was stupid! And then they couldnt find anything that looked good. But then Mindy said “isnt glass lava?” And somebody else said it was too! So really thats earth and fire! So we didnt even have to heat it. We decided to just have the women drink cuz it represented womanhood and thank Goddess Tiffanie didnt have a prob with it and Mindy didnt either. So I told everybody to think about what it meant to be a woman, what it meant to each person. And I said we also think about how we need each other and can support each other. I drank first, then Nixie, then Charlotte, and then Kim. Then we each gave her presents which were symbolic. They really dont have to be real presents but Charlotte wanted them to be. Charlotte gave Kim a pair of her baby shoes. That represented her past. It was sweet cuz Kim wanted to show everybody how much bigger her feet r now! Charlotte said the shoes were Kims again but shed keep them safe for her. Then Nixie and Tiffanie gave Kim a gift card cuz that was a symbol of her present. The card symbolized that Kim was old enough to decide on her own gift which showed she has more independence and responsibility. Then Mindy and I gave Kim a silver pen. We said that represented her future because she could write her own. It was kewl cuz Kim was really happy about everything and she thanked us real politely. She really acted a lot more mature. But then this is the part that was a total surprise. Kim said she wanted to do a part of the ceremony too which of course was ok. But she said she wanted to break the girl figurine cuz that was her as a little girl and she wasnt a little girl anymore. But Charlotte got upset! She said she gave that to Kim when she was really little and how could Kim want to destroy it! And really the figurine represented the element of earth and u dont destroy one of the elements! I mean not in a ceremony cuz it symbolizes part of the balance of nature. So that was almost a big argument! So then I said maybe there was something else Kim had that wasnt worth much that she could get rid of. But then she said if it wasnt worth much then whats the point? Then Charlotte said Kimberly wasnt destroying anything! But then thank Goddess Mindy thought of something. She said what if Kim destroyed something that was important to her as a little girl but that she didnt care about anymore? Cuz that could symbolize her growing up. So then Charlotte had some ideas but Kim didnt like any of them! And I was like this isnt even part of the ceremony cuz really it was over. So why was everybody fighting about it? But then finally Kim said she didnt have a hamster anymore so she could get rid of the hamster cage. But Charlotte said but u might want one again later and Rodney might too. Then she said the hamster ball but Charlotte didnt like that either. And I was like this was crazy! Then finally Tiffanie thought of something thank Goddess! Kim had this candle shed had since first grade. Its supposed to be a flower but it got melted and dust even got melted into it so really its a dusty lump of wax that looks a little like a flower. Charlotte wanted Kimberly to get rid of it like forever but she wouldnt. I guess when she was little she used to carry it around all the time. Kim didnt say anything at first. But finally she said “ok.” The candle had never been lit but finally she lit it. So thank Goddess that worked! Then we went out for ice cream but Kim said she wasnt sure about ice cream anymore. And we were like Kim all of us women eat ice cream! lol Then Nixie said it should be chocolate ice cream! lol So anyway thats what we did. So I was worried about it and it almost went really bad. But it didnt so it was a cool ceremony! |
| Copyright 2005 by Lorien Loveshade |
| My DiArY! |
| Kimberly wants to be called Kim now cuz she thinks it makes her sound more grown up |
| I had to make the ceremony so it wasnt Wiccan |
| Kimberly is really excited about her Womanhood ceremony. |
| Charlotte and Gus r having some real problems |
| I asked somebody to go to homecoming with me and he said no! |
| We had Kimberlys Womanhood ceremony! |
| when u have ur menarche ur an adult by nature even if u arent an adult by mans law |
| The ceremony was supposed to be supportive not an argument! |
| Kim wanted to destroy something to show the end of her childhood but her Mommy didnt like it! |
| I messed something else up! But Mindy fixed it! |
| Kims presents represented her past, present and future |
| It was a cool ceremony! |
| I have a big decision about homecoming. |