SePtEmBeR 19 - 22 2005 |
Monday September 19 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS I have to spend more time doing my homework! I am getting totally behind! Its weird cuz I live by myself now which means I have like almost no interruptions. But really that makes it harder I dont know why! Deno was really talking about the dance its sweet. But he doesnt have to keep making hints about me French kissing him! I dont know maybe I shouldnt have done it. It like a French kiss isnt a big deal but I guess it is to him. I dont think hes really kissed very many girls. later Mindys here with me I dont like being alone Monday nights! Really I dont know why it matters cuz nobodys here other evenings either cuz the antique store isnt open at night. But it just seems weird thinking its been empty all day. Sometimes somebody will be in the store like just straightening things or something but not very often. Usually they like to stay totally out on Mondays cuz thats everybodys day off. And theres never anybody in here Monday evenings cept me. Oh and Mindy! lol I want to delete what I wrote for yesterday I mean about trying out my XXXmas present. I havent even posted it yet. I used to get that explicit in my diary when I was younger but I havent been cuz its on a public site now. Of course Im using pseudonyms but still. But I want to write a sexy story and I guess thats practice. Mindy might want to write one with me. Ive written hot poems but havent finished a story. Mindy says shes really sorry about my problem I dont know what to do! I dont want to be a virgin for the rest of my life! Mindy doesnt know if her hymens broke or not. She hasnt put anything in herself downstairs but sometimes it happens just from exercise and shes done a lot of dance and used to do gymnastics. I wish mine broke in dance! Were having Mabon Thursday and I still dont know whats happening with Ella and Olive! Tuesday September 20 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS I talked to Ella and shes still planning on joining Catovidas coven! And so is Olive! Ella said theyre forming it Thursday on Mabon! And she said they got more members! Its going to be Catovida, Rad, Ella, Olive, and two other ppl I think theyre a couple. But then Ella said she still wants to be in our branch too! And I said Ella u cant be in two covens at the same time! But then she said Catovida said she could! And then she said arent I in two covens? And I said Ella Im in a coven and in a branch of my coven that is not the same thing. Im representing my coven in the branch thats my position as Priestess and as a Wiccan tutor. I wanted to tell her she has to chose Catovidas or ours but I didnt. I have to check. later Ok I talked to Goldina. She said Ella has to chose! I knew she did I just wanted to be sure. U cant be in two covens at the same time! And she said my situation is different cuz the branch is really like a part of the coven so theres no conflict. Were also under Miss Sasha which really makes it confusing. But it works cuz were all working together in harmony. But Catovida and Rad r not working in harmony cuz they split us up! Really its not right. I dont want to be disrespectful but I know everybody else thinks that too. Im going to talk about something else. I have to get my senior pictures taken! I really dont like ppl taking my pictures but I want to be in the yearbook! Really I should have done it already. I can go to a photo studio where I can really choose what I want but its real spenny. Germana did that and hers look really good. But I might just get them taken at a store cuz its a lot cheaper. And really they take good photos! If I was still babysitting three kids maybe it wouldnt matter but it does. I have my cell phone payments and Internet and college and have to buy my own clothes and makeup and everything! I dont have to pay for room and board but thats it. Oh and if u dont know board means ur food too. I cant go to Open House tomorrow at my high school cuz I have college. Of course Mindys family is going and so is Germanas. Mommys going with American! I have to tell Daddy about American I dont know why I didnt. That was just stupid! But Ill see him this weekend so I will definitely tell him! Wednesday September 21 2005 Dear Mr BiGgLeS We had Prayer at the Pole it was totally kewl! If u dont know its where ppl go to the flagpole b4 school starts and pray. This year they wanted us to pray a lot for ppl hurt by Katrina and also for the other hurricane thats coming but I cant remember what its called. Most ppl who do it r Christian but its for everybody so we had a lot of Wiccans come! This is who was there for Wicca. Mindy, Germana, Mexi, Kayla, Deno, and Bibi whos Germanas friend. There was also this girl named Brooke and I dont know how she even found out about it! She might even come to one of our ceremonies which would be kewl and Bibi might too! Carol wanted to come but she couldnt. I dont know if Ella and Wendi did it at their middle school I hope they did. I hope Ella stays with us! But guess what Germana said? She said Austra is planning to do it at her school! She goes to a Catholic school shes in 5th grade. I think she has a friend who might do it too Im not sure. I hope so cuz thats kewl! later I should never have posted what I did with my XXXmas present! LMAO j/k I got so many emails! A lot of ppl want to know was I fantasizing about them? Thats why I wrote I am not telling anybody who it was especially not the ppl I was thinking about. Thats totally personal so dont ask! lol But somebody said its almost like I was baiting ppl cuz I knew ppl would wonder if I was thinking about them. Really I wasnt trying to bait I was just writing my thoughts and feelings and what I did. Its weird though cuz a lot of ppl r hoping I fantasize about them! Really thats kewl. I guess I like thinking guys and girls fantasize about me too its a compliment. As long as they arent stalkers! LMAO One girl even sent me pics of herself and u know what kind of pics! ;) And some of the guys have sent me pics like that of themselves. Really some of the girls have too but not in a long time. Its really kewl when ppl send me their photos. I send ppl pics of me too but only to ppl who dont read my diary. If u read my diary dont ask me for pics! Let me explain how it works. I have just two main sites now. One is a site where ppl can use their real names and post their pics. But that site doesnt have my diary on it! I dont get explicit on that site or tell any secrets so it doesnt matter that ppl know who I am. I tell my friends at school about it and a lot of ppl who know me online go there too. Thats my amateur site. But my other site is my professional one and thats where I post my diary. My diary talks about really private things and gets totally explicit. Thats why I use pseudonyms. I used to post my diary using real names when I was like 13 and 14 and I got explicit then too and even posted photos of myself. I even gave ppl my phone number but now I know thats not safe! Ppl can get ur address and learn lots of things about u from ur phone number and ur diary. So be careful! Some of my online friends go to my professional site but they dont know about my other site. I know it gets confusing. But the only ppl who know about both sites r my best friends thats it! later I got some good advice! But some of it makes me worry! Dena said some ppl have a hymen thats so thick they have to have surgery to cut it open! OMG! Am I going to go to a doctor and say Im only 17 but I need surgery so I can stick something in my vagina? U know hell think its cuz I want to have sex! Really I just want to be able to use my dildo so I can practice. But u straight up cant tell that to a doctor! I hope I dont need surgery that would totally suck! But I learned I did something stupid! Beth said when ur coming is the worst time to try to stick something inside urself cuz when u come u have contractions and that means u close up! Doh! Why didnt I think of that? But Beth and somebody else who doesnt want me to say who he is think maybe I just need help. They both said I should have somebody help me get my dildo in! And somebody I know online volunteered to help me get it in but I wont say who! LMAO I really wanted to do it by myself but maybe I do need help. And that would definitely be better than surgery! But who do I ask? It has to be a best friend cuz it would be totally too embarrassing to ask anybody else! But Mindy hasnt put anything inside herself either so it cant be Mindy. Mindy said that too. Lauras in Chicago and really I dont think shed feel comfortable helping me either but thats ok. It is so kewl that I can email her now! She hasnt had email since she moved right b4 we started 8th grade. So I guess the only ones I could ask would be Becky or Germana. They both read my diary so theyll know what Im thinking about which is totally embarrassing! Theyve both had sex so they know what its like. Germana is a great friend shes one of my best friends! And I think shed be a great help. But I dont know if shed want to do that! Somebody suggested I ask Becky cuz shes had experience and Ive known her for years so maybe I should ask her. Ill even see her this weekend. But how do u ask somebody to do something like that? Thursday September 22 2005 Good Mabon! I have to keep my diary shorter. I have to do homework I cant write my diary all day long! lol Deno wants to go out with me again! Really I dont know why I shouldnt cept Germana thinks he wants to be my boyfriend! She said maybe I should date somebody else first so he doesnt get the wrong idea. Really I guess thats true. But I dont know who! Mommy and American both went to Open House at my high school last night I wish I could have gone! But of course I had Spanish. Mommys talking about American a lot I have to tell Daddy! I know hell get jealous! later Heres some really great news. Ella isnt joining Catovidas coven! Yay! I am so glad shes staying with our branch. Really she didnt want to leave she just thought she could be in both. She didnt go to Mabon with us cuz she wasnt sure if she could. But I said of course u can! Shes still a member! Im sorry she missed it but I am so glad shes back! And she and Wendi both invoked the Goddess at the pole and Austra did at her school too! That is so kewl! But heres some bad news. Olive did join Catovidas group! I already knew she would cuz she wanted to be a Wiccan Initiate she didnt want to wait. I wish she had more patience! Heres who was with us for Mabon. Elder Priestess Miss Sasha, High Priestess Goldina, Priestess Artariel thats me of course, Initiate Sennyoko thats Mindy, Initiate Sealegs thats Carol, Germana, Austra, Kayla, and Deno. Thats ten ppl! The only bad part was Deno wasnt comfortable being the only guy. I thought he was but he said he wasnt. I wish Quinn was still here! Really I wish Catovida was still here too. I still hope hell come back. But we straight up do not need Rad. Im sorry cuz I dont like saying anything bad about anybody but he is straight up a disruptive influence. I think hes really the one who split us up. We had a really good Sabbat. Mabon is the day when light and darkness r equal but darkness is starting to win. It changes the relationship of the God and Goddess. I wrote about it on my site so if ur reading my diary u can check out what I wrote about Wicca! Ok Ill tell u what I learned about my problem downstairs but Im not going to write about that every day! lol Somebody gave me some good advice but he doesnt want me saying who he is. He said if my hymen is totally sealed then thats called I think inpenetrate I cant remember. But if u have that u cant even have a period cuz the menstrual blood cant get out of ur vagina. So thats not it cuz I have periods. Then he said theres another condition where u have just a really tiny opening thats big enough for ur period but not for anything else. But cuz I can get a tampon in thats not it either! Oh and he said it might be harder for me to get a tampon out than in cuz when it fills with blood it makes it bigger. Thats like what Beth said. My friends not a doctor but hes had lots of medical classes at college he knows a lot! He said the only other thing he could find is just that I have to break my hymen! If I cant do that then he said I should see a doctor but I straight up dont want to see a doctor about that! And then heres more news about my problem. Becky doesnt want to do it! She said shes totally comfortable doing sexy things with me but breaking my hymen is like practicing medicine. She said I should get a guy to do it! And Im like I am straight up not asking some guy to break my hymen cuz that means Id be having sex! I want to break my hymen b4 I have sex and Im not ready to have sex with anybody yet. Mindy says shed like to help but of course shes never put anything inside herself not even a tampon so thats ok. But its still sweet! But guess who said she could help? Germana! I didnt think shed be comfortable but she said she is! Really I dont think she wants to do it but she said she would if nobody else would. Isnt that kewl? She really is a great friend shes one of my best friends! I cant do it this weekend cuz Ill be with Daddy and Becky and my cuzins. And I want to see Herbie and my friends too. And of course Ill be too busy the week after that but maybe I could next weekend. But Ill have to wait til everybodys out of the antique store cuz I dont want them to hear me! LMAO Ok Ill talk about something else. I have a lot of birthdays! Carie thats Stacys best friend who I used to babysit is 12 today so Happy Birthday Carie! Of course she doesnt read this! lol If u dont know Stacy is Herbies little sister shes 12 too. Then Kevin and Beth those r Beckys bro and sis r having their birthdays this weekend. Kevin will be 21 and Beth will be 19. I have an online friend named Beth too so dont get them confused! Shes 16 1/2 shes a year younger than Becky and me she was even born the same month we were. Ok Mindy and I still have things we want to do and its already late! |
Copyright 2005 by Lorien Loveshade |
My DiArY! |
Ella and Olive r still planning to join Catovidas coven which means they cant be in our Wiccan branch! |
A lot of ppl want to know was I fantasizing about them? |
Ppl r sending me their pics! |
I want to delete what I wrote for yesterday I mean about my XXXmas present |
I dont want to be a virgin for the rest of my life! |
Were having a split when we should be working together in harmony |
Prayer at the Pole was totally Kewl! |
I have two websites and they r very different |
I got some good advice about losing my cherry |
I got more good advice about my problem |
Who can I ask to help me? |
Mabon was good and Ella isnt leaving our branch! |
I got somebody to help me break my cherry! |